You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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