i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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