He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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