Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
