I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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