porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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