now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
