It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
