I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
