He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
