New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
