She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Alive.
So much puke
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
