The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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