I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
