Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
