I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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