My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
