i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think my moral compass just broke
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
