you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
