I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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