i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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