So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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