I can feel you judging me through the phone.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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