I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
