I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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