I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We got so high we made milksteak
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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