I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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