I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
