he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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