They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
