Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
