Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
