Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
