Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
