Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
