Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
