you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
