is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
