don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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