Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
