No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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