i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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