We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
