i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
