I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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