I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
