she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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