so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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