You just made me feel so damn special
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
