google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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