I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
