We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
